#3 HUMAN CORPSES:
As seen in: 'Of the Dead' films, Resident Evil
Cons of Animation: They're hungry, they're creepy and they smell bad
Pros of Animation: Less rush-hour traffic
Scare-o-meter: 8
There are two kinds of corpse animation...the kind where the buried dead bust their boney asses out of their coffins, and the kind where people get bitten by some sort of infected individual, die and then come back to life immediately. Hope for the first. There’s less likelihood you will get 'infected' or whatever, plus they'll be all dried up and crusty so you can kill them with a sledge hammer much more easily.
If you're not so lucky and get the worldwide pandemic type then just do what everyone does: stockpile, hole up with a gang of amateur but surprisingly ace marksmen, and wait it out. And if you do get bitten make sure to go out in spectacular fashion. Something along the lines of driving a gasoline tanker into a nuclear power plant.
#2 VEHICLES:
As seen in: Maximum Overdrive, Christine
Cons of Animation: They're fast, they're relentless, they have really bad gas mileage
Pros of Animation: Maybe they can’t drive stick?
Scare-o-meter: 8
I'm giving a very slight edge to the metal menace over the zombie apocalypse simply because of their tendency to never give up. Zombies don’t have a goal. They amble around aimlessly and if you play it smart you may survive, but the GM with the grudge will not give up, and eventually you will have to fight and 18 wheels always beats two feet.
Animated autos also have a duel weapon in that they can both crush you, and strangle you to death with the seatbelt stealth style if you happen to be so unlucky. Other cars can be a valuable weapon if you have an ace driver, or find yourself a shooter with a keen eye who can drain the gas tank. Luring them to water can work, and popping the tires can slow them down but everything depends on how wily it is; if it’s a Ford you may survive, but if it’s a Ferrari...arrivederci.
#1 NATURE:
As seen in: The Ruins, The Happening, The Evil Dead
Cons of Animation: Mother Nature is a real bitch
Pros of Animation: Global warming to the rescue!
Scare-o-meter: 10
When plants, trees or nature as a whole starts to fight back you're pretty much f@$!*d. Sure we can burn down the rest of the rainforest, maybe pollute to the extreme in the hopes nature has asthma...but when push comes to shove we're all doing off the deep end.
All you can do is hope you have super special connections to a) a billionaire b) a genius inventor or c) a high ranking government official (note: if you're part of the presidents family you're golden) and say hello to your new home on Mars! Be sure to keep on the lookout for Martians though...but I guess that's for another time.
